Blogi / Blog

My head is a Jukebox – short story in English

Voit lukea novellin suomeksi täältä.

(I wrote this short story a long time ago in Finnish but felt like trying to translate in English too. I always use music when I write, so I guess this story was originally born from there.)

No, this does not mean I’m gone crazy.

Stop prattling. Tell about us!

Quiet please, we agreed that I will tell the story. Sorry about that. This is sometimes a bit hard. You will understand after I have explained some backgrounds of this story. I am just an ordinary guy, bachelor of arts. I have a stupid underpaid job that kills all my creativity and just enough friends to prove that I’m not a hermit. I wear jeans and sweaters, I go to a cheap barber shop to cut my hair and I do change socks and boxers every day. I got a mustache.

This explains a lot, especially the mustache.

Do not care about them, they tend to be a handful sometimes. You know how rock stars are. But let’s get back to the story. Once upon a time I met a girl and fell in love. She was a dancer, and she wanted everything to be like a movie. You know the type. When we went on a date everything was supposed to happen in certain ways, like following the script. When we had sex she wanted the lighting to be perfect. As we walked down the street, she wanted to create the right atmosphere. There had to be drama, comedy, and romance.

I do not like movies. We broke up. She thought I was boring, too ordinary.

You actually were boring at that time.

I was depressed, even though it didn’t make any sense. I really don’t like movies.

But you like music.

But I like the music. My taste in music is very eclectic, but I still dare to claim that no good music has been made since the 80s. The early 90s disco pop I can still understand but everything made after that is just a pathetic shit or reminds me of flavorless strawberry chewing gum.

I used to buy records, but then I became an art student and I had to take tons of student loan. So I sold all my records. I got a good prize from some of the vinyl but CDs I had to sell cheap. Nowadays it doesn’t piss me out that bad anymore.

Sometimes I thought about the girl (who lived in the movies which I didn’t like) and wondered if she was happy. Did she walk in the riverbank slowly and pensive like there was a camera following her? Did she sit on the corner table of a café and pan sharply through the people who had become the supernumeraries in her scene. I really wanted to know how to be that happy.

Then you found us!

Do not go ahead. So, I was in a situation where I no longer had my records, but I still was in debt. I wasn’t happy and I still thought about the girl, the one who loved the movies. I was anxious and took a walk on the riverside, trying to imagine cameras and lamps and a director who asked me to be more relaxed, less worried, little bit ruminative. It made me even more anxious. And then I heard the song. After a beautiful intro, Ann Wilson’s gorgeous voice began to tell the story about loneliness.

I looked around, but I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. People walked by with lifted jacket collars and tensed expressions on their faces. No one else seemed to hear the song, but in my ears, it just got louder and louder. When the chorus filled my head I felt a tremendous liberating passion inside me. My footsteps found their way to the rhythm of the song, the lyrics made me feel the moment in a brand new way. It was me and the music. My music. I still didn’t like movies but now everything became an endless playlist.

In the morning when I wake up, the music gives me a hint of what the day will be like. AC/DC’s T.N.T. is all about fighter spirit. Ozzy’s Mr. Crowley often says that day is getting worse, and if I hear Kaseva I know it’s not worth getting up from the bed at all. The music I do my work with includes Bon Jovi, Bruce Springsteen and sometimes even something classical. In a grocery store, I tend to shop with some light Finnish schlagers. The boring convenience food tastes much better when it is enjoyed with songs from Rauli Badding. If I ever find a woman (who loves music more than movies) I want to make love to her inspired by Madonna’s Like a Virgin and later with the passion of Bryan Adams’ Heaven.

My whole life is built with a steady flood of music. Just like if there would be a radio or jukebox inside of me, but without the annoying commercials or hosts. News I can watch from TV if I need to know what is going on with the world. But mainly I live from the music and the music lives in me.

But that’s not all. Tell them what happened then. Tell them about us.

All right, all right. Then my internal playlist became a bit more than just background music. I met them all. They came to visit, so to say. Ozzy Osbourne’s articulation is sometimes impossible to follow, but otherwise, they are pretty good guys. Quite relaxed. They hang out with me on nights and keep me company at work and when I’m jogging. They sleep with me, travel with me. It’s a bit difficult to explain, but I really do like music.

We have fun times together, we must admit.

I started to jog because the Survivor required me to do so. When I get sick Chrissie Hynde takes care of me. On a date, I’m a perfect gentleman, thanks to Marie and Per. In social situations, I act cool, because Sambora and Santana got my back. When I drive Michael Jackson is usually there with me, but deeper conversations I like to have with Sting or Bono.

You no longer need a woman who likes movies. And you are not lonely anymore.

I do not want anything anymore, that’s right. I know studies that show how music makes good to a person. Keeps brain activity virulent. Makes you stronger. Makes you happy. When people have music, they don’t need anything else.

But this doesn’t mean I’m gone crazy. It just means that I have started to live.

Eeppistä / Epic

In English Below

Joulukuun tapaamisessa Kirjan talon spekulatiivisen fiktion hautomossa perehdyttiin fantasiaan. Se on spekulatiivisista lajeista minulle vierain niin lukijana kuin kirjoittajana. Tunnen kyllä Tolkienit ja Eddingsit, mutta oma veri vetää enemmän tulevaisuuden maailmoihin, koneiden ja urbaanin fantasian keskelle.

Opettajamme J.S. Meresmaa onnistui kuitenkin loihtimaan eeppisestä fantasiasta aivan uudenlaisen mielikuvan. Oma käsitykseni koko genrestä on ollut melko vanhanaikainen ja pölyyntynyt. Meresmaan mukaan esimerkiksi Star Wars on tarinaltaan ja aihepiiriltään eeppistä fantasiaa, vaikka sijoittuukin scifille tyypilliseen maailmaan. Se, mitä olen itse kuvitellut velhojen ja ritareiden rymistelyksi lohikäärmeiden ja linnojen keskellä, on itse asiassa paljon enemmän.

Linnat, ritarit ja kuninkaat sekä keksiaikainen maailma toki kuuluvat usein eeppisen fantasian kuvastoon, mutta anglosaksisen fantasiakäsityksen rinnalle voidaan nostaa myös toisenlaisia maailmoja. Fantasia ei siis synnykään tietynlaiseen maailmaan, vaan ennemminkin asetelmaan – dualismiin, hyvän ja pahan taisteluun, jonka näkökulman ei missään nimessä tarvitse olla mustavalkoinen.

Eeppisen fantasian merkitys tuntuukin piilevän juuri siinä, että se esittää valtarakenteita monesta näkökulmasta ja antaa äänen henkilöille, jotka kuuluvat valtakoneiston eri osiin. Meresmaan mukaan eeppinen fantasia ei kerro osoittelevasti tai suoraan, vaan etäännytetysti, ja vaatii lukijalta kykyä ymmärtää erilaisia tasoja ja allegorioita.

Magian maailmat

Itse olen päässyt omissa teksteissäni lähimmäs fantasiaa NaNoWriMo2018-tekstissäni Vieterisydän. Vieterisydämessä Alkemistien veljeskunta on mukana käynnistämässä ensimmäistä maailmansotaa. Vaikka tarina itsessään on vaihtoehtohistoriaan sijoittuvaa steampunkia, tuovat alkemistit tarinaan sekä valtarakenteita että magiaa.

Meresmaan mukaan myös magia on fantasialle tunnuksenomaista. Magia määrittelee maailman ja sen lainalaisuudet uusiksi. Koska kirjoitamme meille tutun maailman kautta, ovat olot, tunteet ja aistit yleensä samoja kuin reaalimaailmassa. Magia ja maagiset hahmot muuttavat tarinan ja maailman toisiksi ja antavat niille uusia mahdollisuuksia.

Vaikka fantasia hylkii arkirealismia, on tärkeää, että tunteita, kokemuksia ja aisteja kuvataan arkitodellisuuden kautta. Maailma, jossa voi tapahtua mitä tahansa tarvitsee tarttumapintaa, jonka avulla siitä tulee samaistuttava ja tunnistettava. Silloin lukija ei jää tyhjän päälle ja pystyy uskomaan myös uskomattomiin asioihin.

Vapaus luoda ja rakentaa

Vaikka fantasiassa kaikki on mahdollista, emme voi kirjoittaa sitä, mitä emme osaa kuvitella. Fantasia antaa kuitenkin hyvin vapaat kädet luoda ja rakentaa. Meresmaan mukaan fantasiamaailmassa voikin helposti kokeilla ja muuttaa asetelmia vapaasti, kunhan sitä ei tehdä hyvän tarinan kustannuksella. Maailma kannattaa rakentaa niin, että se avautuu lukijalle ilman liiallista selittämistä. Hyvä fantasia vie lukijan matkalle tarinaan, ei pelkästään maailmaan.

Sen lisäksi, että aloin ymmärtää paremmin fantasian mahdollisuuksia, sain mukaani myös annoksen positiivista asennetta kirjoittamiseen. J.S. Meresmaa oli ehdottomasti yksi innostavimmista kirjailijoista, joiden opissa olen ollut. Hänen opeistaan haluan vaalia erityisesti kahta asiaa.

  1. kirjoittajan ei tarvitse aina tietää, mihin teksti on menossa, tarinan voi antaa viedä.
  2. Etenkin fantasiaa kirjoittaessa on vaikea keksiä mitään täysin omaperäistä. Kun sen tiedostaa ja hyväksyy, voi kirjoittaa hyviä tarinoita ja rakentaa toimivia maailmoja.

Lue lisää ajatuksistani spekulatiivisen fiktion hautomosta.

Lukuvinkki: J.S. Meresmaa: Keskilinnan ritarit. 2016, Osuuskumma. ISBN:978-952-6642-58-1

In English

At the December meeting of Kirjan talo’s sci-fi and fantasy writing class we explored epic fantasy. As a writer or reader fantasy is not very familiar to me. I know my Tolkiens and Eddingses, but I am more interested in future worlds with machines and urban fantasy.

However our teacher, author J.S. Meresmaa managed to help me see epic fantasy in a completely new light. My own understanding of the whole genre has been rather old-fashioned. For example, according to Meresmaa, Star Wars can be considered as an epic fantasy because of the story, even though it is placed in a sci-fi world. So fantasy is not all about wizards and knights or dragons and castles.

Even castles, knights and kings and the medieval times are often part of the epic imagery, other kinds of fantasy worlds can be built alongside the Anglo-Saxon fantasy concept. Fantasy is not born in a particular world, but rather in a setting – dualism, a battle of good and evil, which in no way needs to be black and white.

The meaning of epic fantasy can be found in the way it presents power structures from different perspectives and gives voice to characters from every level. According to Meresmaa, the epic fantasy does not point straight, but shows remotely, and requires the reader to understand the different levels and allegories.

Worlds of Magic

Closest to fantasy in my own texts I have reached in my story for NaNoWriMo2018. In the Clockwork Heart, the Alchemist Brotherhood is involved in launching the First World War. Although the story itself is an alternative history and steampunk, the alchemists bring both power structures and magic to the story.

According to Meresmaa, magic is often seen as a part of epic fantasy. Magic defines the world and its laws of nature. Because we write through the familiar world, the conditions, feelings, and senses are usually the same as in the real world. Magic and magical characters transform the story and the world into something new and give them new opportunities.

While fantasy repels everyday realism, it is important that emotions, experiences, and senses are portrayed through everyday reality. A world where anything can happen needs a familiarity that makes it identifiable and recognizable. Then it will be also easier for the reader to believe in the unbelievable things.

Freedom to Create and Build

Although everything is possible in fantasy, we cannot write what we cannot imagine. However, Fantasy gives you very free hands to create and build. According to Meresmaa, in the fantasy world, you can easily test and change the settings freely as long as it is not done at the expense of a good story. The world should be built so that it opens up to the reader without too much explanation. A good fantasy takes the reader on a journey into the story, not just into the world.

In addition to getting a better understanding of the possibilities of fantasy, I also got a dose of a positive attitude towards writing. J.S. Meresmaa was definitely one of the most inspiring teachers I have ever met. In particular, there were two things she made me really think about.

  1. The writer does not always need to know where the text is going, sometimes the story can lead the writer.
  2. Especially when writing fantasy, it’s hard to come up with anything completely original. Being aware of it and accepting it you can write good stories and build functional worlds.

Read more about the scifi and fantasy writing class.

Kerran kirjoitin runoja / Once upon a time I wrote poetry

Short Summary in English: Sometimes I need to lose myself and write poems. These are some old ones In Finnish written here and there.

(Joskus haluan hukata itseni ja kirjoittaa runoja. Tässä joitakin vanhoja, siellä-täällä kirjoitettuja.)

Muistutathan minua elämän perusasioista, kun unohdan hengittää
Ja herätät minut aamulla vaikka olen vannonut nukkuvani ikuisesti
Tiedän kyllä, ettet ole minusta vastuussa
Mutta voisitko vielä tänään
pitää kädestä kiinni kun ylitämme kadun
Jos epähuomiossa unohdan katsoa vasemmalle

Unennäkemisen taito

Kun leijailen
Tunnen, että taivas on auki
Ihmiset muuttuvat muurahaisista mikrobeiksi
ja ikävä täyttää
nenän ja korvat muistoilla

Kun äiti oli surullinen, samettiverhot tuoksuivat tupakalta
ja pölyltä, jota kukaan ei tuulettanut ulos
Aamukaste kupli keväisin kaunista musiikkia
ja mummon piirongin ylälaatikko haisee edelleen sisuille
vaikka mummo on jo mennyt

Minä voin paeta sähköiseen leikkiin
Tunnen, miten ohjain painaa peukalooni rastin
Vihreä merkkivalo sirisee silmiin
muistuttaessaan, että kaikki on vielä hyvin

Sopeutumaton

Istun ja olen
Eivätkä ihmiset ympärilläni
ole tutumpia kuin vieraat
On mahdotonta sopeutua
Jos ei ole sopeutuakseen
Yksinäinen susi ulvoo
Minä vain huokaan